So you’ve decided to set some relationship goals, but how do you do this? Many people focus on committing to regular date nights, booking a holiday or a weekend away. 

These are not bad goals, they do help rekindle a relationship, however, I want to help you look at your goal setting a little differently. 

The best goals are based on good foundations and the foundations of a happy fulfilling relationship are Connection, Love and Communication. 

The first goal to set is connection; connection is the starting point, without it there is no love or communication.

The second goal is love; love is built on a strong connection which leads to our next goal.

Communication; connection and love create compassion which makes communicating so much easier.

Before we get into setting a specific goal in each category I want you to pause for a moment and think about a time you have felt most connected and loved with your partner, where communication flowed easily. It can be any memory, many people think of a holiday or special occasion. 

Using this memory as a guide, answer the following questions:-

1) Connection – what were you doing that gave you the feeling of connection?

2) Love – what did you or your partner do that made you feel loved?

3) Communication – what and how were you communicating?

Look at the detail, the what and the how, and be as specific as possible. 

For example, we were on holiday, sitting on the terrace, having coffee, and the kids were playing. There were no phones, things to do or distractions. It was relaxed, we were looking at each other, the conversation was light and easy and we were planning our day.

Using the example above, the answers to the questions would be:-

1. Sitting on the terrace having a coffee
2. It was just the two of us, no distractions, it was time together 
3. We were planning our day and it was light and easy, we were looking at each other

Use these answers to help you set your three goals. They might look like this:-

1. Connection – Once a week, we sit and have coffee together
2. Love – Once a week, have ‘us’ time, just the two of us, no kids and no distractions
3. Communication – Schedule time each Sunday to plan the week ahead, including coffee and ‘us’ time.

Next week I’ll go a little deeper into how you can make these goals sustainable by looking at the obstacles and solutions.

Right, now it is your turn! Let me know how you get on with your goal setting in the comments.

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